How can I stop drinking?

Two months ago, I got into another thirty-day in-patient rehab center. I completed the program once again and gave it all I had. I go to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings every day and another group therapy once a week. I am actively looking for work again. I meditate every day and practice different mindfulness techniques. I go to the gym every day. I pray to a God I may or may not believe in. Most importantly, I’m opening up to people and learning to express myself. Writing has become very therapeutic for me.

I flew straight to an in-patient treatment center for thirty days. It was the best decision I ever made. It didn’t last; once I got out, I relapsed within two weeks, but I will say that it got the ball rolling. I now wanted to be sober. So, my dad drove me back to rehab again for another thirty days. I learned so much about myself. Both of those thirty-day stints in the treatment center were the longest stretches of sobriety I had ever had. I had hope once again.

Life was a series of parties with this depressing and boring part I had to go through until the next opportunity to drink. I remember wondering how people could have fun without drinking. I had lost that ability somewhere along the way. I lost interest in all other things. My life started to revolve around alcohol.

Hi everybody! I have been looking at posts on narcs and narc abuse on here and if has really helped me out a lot. I am currently struggling with my situation and need some advice/support. I met a narc last year, everything seemed to good to be true. Love bombing, always texting calling and taking me on dates. Everything changed when someone warned me about him out in public in front of him and who he is. This caused a conflict with us and the love bombing seized. he would tell me that everything is okay and i can come and talk. He would set a time limit on me and kick me out after that. he would then text me like everything was fine and we hung out again and after that he completely ghosted me for one week. He came back and texted me a week later laughing about the ghosting and acting like nothing had happened. he continued to text me ( not like in the beginning) make plans with me, then on the day of the plans he would just ghost me. One day he would act interested the next silence. i contacted him a month later and he acted like nothing happened. He was on a vacation and sent me a picture of another woman ( someone he allegedly met on the trip) to strike a reaction but i never gave him one. After the trip he came to my place and was extremely rude, accusing me of going on dates with a bunch of men. The next day he accused me of being an alcoholic and that he wanted nothing to do with me but said well maybe we can be "friends" then ghosted me i assumed at this point it was over and i would never hear from him again. He contacted me on the holiday a month later acting like everything was great. We ended up hanging out a month or so later and when we hung out it went well, i thought things were going in the right direction. after we hung out.. silence. I would try to text him and if he replied it would be very short then he just stopped replying. He ghosted me for almost three months. I thought he was done this time and of course he popped up again like nothing happened. At this point i was getting sick of if so i questioned him as to why he dissapeared and always does this. Of course he had some sob story about a injury and family member dying of cancer. I felt pity for him and he gave me an apology.. so i took him back stupidly. things seemed to be going smooth for a couple months, of course until his family member died and his injury got better he never contacted me and was distant. Menawhile, i was there for him during the difficult time for him. He lied to me about the funeral and never wanted to chat. I was chasing him and he would always claim nothing was wrong but when i said i thought he used me when he was down he could not handle it and would always tell me he didnt care and to go away. I would get so upset i would try texting him to work it out he would barelt respond and if he did he would not be nice about it. we did hang out a couple times after that, he would ignore me after. One day i was like hey i think you are seeing someone else, and i was like well ixam seeing someone so no problem if you are he said " buy bye good luck with your new guy stop contacting me" i was devastated and tried to get into contact with him for weeks then i just gave up and accepted it was over. He ended up contacting me a month later acting like everything was fine. He wanted to go out and have drinks i told him i would. He and i both seemed to have a great time. He ends up ignoring me again. I kept texting him trying to figure out what was wrong. He kept saying everything was fine and i said ok can we hang out again? He said maybe i was like why? He just kept saying maybe … our last conversation we had… i said what is wrong ? He said nothing is wrong everything is fine. I asked him why he keeps saying maybe. He said " maybe but i dont want to see you right now" i said why? He saix " im just not feeling it, if i wanted to date i would" i said why did you contact me less then a week ago wanting to go out? He said i didnt.. even though he did. So i said should i just move on or what? He said whatever you want to do. So i said that he was really confusing me and asked him if he had anything more to say before i move on? My messages were turning green so i panicked he blocked me and reacted irrationally. I said " omg did you block me? My messages are not going through. Even texted him on my work phone asking what was up. And called him twice ( please dont judge me i know it is pathetic i never was this type of girl before him) so he replied and said " Ok I'll block you now" then immedietly blocked me. He has never blocked me before since I have met him he will just ghost. Is this ths final discard aka " grand finale? Did i just push him too far? this has upset me so much its hard to even function.

So here I am, living my life one day at a time, doing everything I can to not take that first drink. I am optimistic, and I once again have hope. I will do everything in my power to stay sober. It’s going to take a long time for me to get back what I’ve lost, but I am going to do it. I’m also going to try to use my experiences to help others. I hope my story can help someone. Maybe my story can make someone else who is struggling feel less alone or avoid the mistakes I have made.

In high school, alcohol was a way for me to feel “

I didn’t want them to see how much of a problem I really had, so I isolated. I made new friends with the same hobby as me, drinking. I also made friends with the drugs. This sped up the downward spiral, and there was no looking back.

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I felt “less than”.

This lasted into my early twenties and was exacerbated by the university lifestyle. Sure, I was always getting too drunk, but drinking felt like a competition in those days, and I was good at it. If I wasn’t out at a bar or house party, alcohol was still always on my mind.

I guess I always did have a problem with alcohol. The first time I ever drank at a young age led to a blackout. So did most of the other times when I came to think about it. I suspect genetics, bad choices, and a little childhood trauma mixed with an addictive personality are to blame here, but who really knows? I guess it doesn’t really matter, I just have to deal with it now.

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The evil thing about addiction, though, is that it’s the one disease that convinces you that you don’t have it.

Hello My Friend,

My aunt kicked me out of the house, but she said if I went and got treatment, I could live there after, as long as I got some help. This was probably one of the most important moments of my life. This was the moment I started to fight back and decided to give sobriety a chance. So thanks, Aunt Judy, it was the tough love I needed.

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I was completely hopeless. I admitted at this point that I was indeed an alcoholic/addict, but I had no idea how to stop it. I didn’t think I could. Every moment outside of work, I was drinking. The physical symptoms of addiction started to catch up with me. I would wake up every morning sweating and shaking. I would throw up every morning from the hangover, nausea, and anxiety attacks. I could barely drive to work because of the panic attacks.

I am a chronic relapser. I have been in your spot as little as 3 weeks ago. First thing, find a detox center where they will monitor you while you detox from alcohol, then you can go to the rehab route, AA route, or figure out your own way.

I had no interest in school anymore; it was just something I did, and it kept me close to the party scene. The school also made me feel less guilty about my stagnant work life because I was still a “student” and didn’t need to grow up yet. However, all things come to an end,

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both good and bad.

As this went on, alcohol robbed me of any ambition I had left. Work became something I did to pay for alcohol. I didn’t progress in my work life; I was stagnant. I was barely capable of doing my low-paying job so how could I expect to go after a more fulfilling and higher-paying position?

School ended, and university friends all moved on with their lives in different cities. I hid myself from the friends who stuck around.

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For those three years (minus the few slips) where I didn’t drink, my addiction was growing inside of me. I would say within two weeks, my addiction was worse than it had ever been before. It returned with a vengeance.

normal” at parties.

I had six visits to the five-day in-patient detox center. I ended up in the psych ward more times than I went to the detox center. I had ambulances and cops show up and take me to hospitals for risk of overdose. I blew all the savings that I had built up over the last three years. I eventually lost my job. I lost everything, including any self-respect and self-confidence I had found along the way.

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However, life outside of rehab is a different beast altogether. I relapsed again and ended up in the psych ward because I literally had no other options. Somehow, I managed to sober up again, and I stayed sober for an extended period of time. I was pretty much sober for the best part of three years, with a few small slips. I got a good job, had hobbies, and started working out. I even started dating again and hanging out with friends. I started to build a life for myself. Things really did turn around for me.

I let my guard down. I guess you could call it a perfect storm. I was in a depressive episode, extremely anxious, and triggered by something I couldn’t control. I gave in, and I relapsed once again. This relapse was quite a bit bigger than a slip. It’s been a year since I first relapsed, and I am only now getting back to a good place where I think I can stay sober and rebuild my life. I will go into this relapse in more detail in a separate article.

I had always felt quite awkward in social situations, and alcohol completely rid me of all self-consciousness. It felt like the missing piece to the puzzle. I could go have fun without the awful social anxiety that plagued me.

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I eventually ran away from my problems to a different part of the country. This was probably one of the worst choices I’ve ever made, as if a different city would cure me of all my problems and give me a fresh start. I was a little naive at the time, but it seemed like the only plausible option. I got a job and lived with my aunt while I got myself set up. Once again, I aimed low when it came to finding work, and I was not even making enough money to afford all the alcohol I was consuming.

Here’s my story if it helps.

I feel like this is my last chance at life. There isn’t much more I could lose. Every time I relapse, it ends up being worse than I could have ever imagined. I don’t think I could mentally or physically survive another relapse, so I have to remain on guard and stay vigilant. I know I have another relapse in me, but I may not have another recovery in me. This is life or death for me, and I choose life.

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Making it through the day was unbearable. I looked horrendous. I didn’t even recognize myself in the mirror anymore. Busted blood vessels in my eyes from vomiting made me look like I was dying. Eventually, my aunt found an embarrassing amount of my hidden liquor bottles, my shame stash. I was also throwing a lot of my empty bottles in the work trash as well so she only found a small number of my bottles.

A catalyst for the progression of my addiction was when I realized all of the shame, guilt, and sickness from heavy drinking the night before could be cast away with a few drinks the next morning. This is kind of when I lost the “off” button for my drinking. I eventually realized alcohol was just borrowing happiness from the next day and I had accumulated a significant amount of debt.